On Saturday a parkrun happened in Tring Park as it has every Saturday for almost 4 years, but nobody cares about that, the big question on everyone’s lips was ‘where are the cows?’
We've experienced sudden cow disappearances before and there have been many theories, but no answers....perhaps until now!
Keen to finally crack this case we made the mistake of sending our specialist bovine reporter Chris MILLAR to find out once and for all...
Read to discover his shocking conclusions...
I’m Chris Millar, Tring’s specialist bovine investigative reporter and I’ve been out in parkrunland interviewing parkrunners to try and find our cows, below is a synopsis of my findings.
Sam WATHEN (A1030134) said “You’ve heard of the Bermuda Triangle right? But have you heard of the Tring Park Cow Rhombus? It’s between the gun emplacement and the copper beeches, that’s why nobody runs on that path because of the risk of getting swallowed by the rhombus, the cows probably ran through the rhombus and are still in the park but in another dimension".
Mel YOUNG (A1784728) and Darren McMAHON (A914117) claimed to have stolen the cows with attached photographic evidence saying “we’ll give your cows back when you pay the ransom”.
Caroline VOWLES (A998752) suggested that the cows had simply popped to the beach to cool down.
James MOORE (A187159) suggested the cows had made a day trip to the North Downs Way to scare the runners racing through the night.
Andy EVANS (A157497) simply said “Mmmmm these burgers are tasty”
Ken DOUGLAS (A1252507) exclaimed “Hoots mon they’re off chasing the haggis!” (If any of our readers know what he’s on about please let us know)
Whatever happened I can guarantee that it definitely wasn’t aliens. I was driving through the park one night on the A41 on the way home from work and stopped to investigate something shiny on the hard shoulder. I tripped over a bloke who I think said his name was simply A1674 who told me that there was no such thing as cows and what I’d seen and thought was cows was simply an illusion caused by cloud of swamp gas refracting the light of the moon off a weather balloon.
So that settles it.
Tring never had any cows.
Either that or the Farmer and/or Woodland Trust have something to do with this.
In any case I'm sure normal service will be resumed soon enough!