The Terminator Loop – parkrun #43, 28 December 2019

This week's parkrun report has been written by Tim Gardiner, AKA the parkrun poet. It is quite something, thank you Tim. Should anyone at Parkrun fancy having a go at writing the report, let us know and we will gladly accept.

Here it is, enjoy:

Listen, and understand. That terminator is out there, it can’t be bargained with, it can’t be
reasoned with, it doesn't feel pity or remorse or fear, and it absolutely will not stop... EVER,

Until it reaches the finish funnel…Target identity: T-800. Stephen Balfe. The Lingwood
Terminator. Mission objective: Beat target in sprint finish.
Barcode registration. A3911176.
Portal transfer: Complete.
Target location: Lingwood parkrun, Norfolk, England.
Humanoid. Walking. Pace 5.01 km/hr. Probable parkrunner.
Question: I need your cowl, your boots and your water bottle.
Humanoid: Get lost punk, I need one more run for gold obsessive.
Acquire clothes and miscellaneous items.
Booting Garmin GPS system. Wait 10 mins for satellites.
Proceed to parkrun. 7.83 km/hr. ETA: 08:30.
Parkrun located. Small talk required.
New parkrunner: We’re not gonna make it, are we? The finish, I mean.
Response: It’s in your nature to destroy yourselves.
Scanning for T-800. Target located: Negative.
New runner’s briefing. Scan route. Irregular wire loop formation.
Run brief initiated. Run director: Martin Truelove.
Tourists present: Leeds, Manningtree, Wanstead.
Canine runners. Terminator detection possible. Proceed with caution.
Picking up podcast. With Me Now. Nicola Forwood and Danny Norman. Check it out.
Athlete density: 87 runners.
Milestone achievement: John England: 250 runs. Nadine Heseltine: 300 runs. Celebrations.
Volunteer presence: 15 humanoids.
Run initiation: 09:00. Start pace: 10.05 km/hr. Sunglasses on.
Humanoid, 500 Club: Come with me if you want to live!
Wire loop. Lap 1. Boiler ash surface. Source material: Cantley Sugar Beet Factory.
Volunteer work party: 27 December 2019.
Wire loop. Lap 2. Ash surface stable. Increase pace. 12.45 km/hr.
Marshal: Keep going! You can do it!
Response: I know now why you cry.
Wire loop. Lap 3. Scan athlete field. Target: Not located.
Marshal: Only 1 km to go. You can do it!
Response: No problemo.
First finisher identity (male): Simon Wright, time: 19:56.
First finisher identity (female): Anna Kirkham, time: 21:27.
Timekeepers. Armed. Not dangerous.
Stopwatch time: 27:36.
Barcode scanned.
Beat the poet: 26.
T-800 presence: Negative.
Run director: Get out!
Response: Hasta la vista, Lingwood!

Poetry Corner #4
It was nice to see Lingwood parkrun in daylight, having previously speed walked it as my
alter ego Mike ‘The Shape’ Myers as part of the Supernatural Scramble on Halloween. It was
just as twisty as it seemed in the dark, surely one of the more interesting courses in East
Anglia where you have a good sight of the entire field winding its way around the meadow.
In keeping with the canine theme of Nadine’s 300th run, many with the pacey Pedro, a short
haiku poem of mine inspired by a recent parkrun:
morning sun
a retired greyhound
chases the breeze
The most sobering moment in my running exploits came at Maldon Prom parkrun when a
whippet casually trotted passed me in the last mile. I was running flat out (or so I thought!)
and he didn’t even seem to be trying…I finish with a haiku poem applicable to all who rise
early on a Saturday for parkrun, from the gifted Italian poet, Maria Laura Valente:
winter dawn
his wristwatch only marks
free hours
Published in Haiku in the Workplace (2017).
Tim Gardiner
aka parkrun poet
twitter @parkrunpoetry